🔗 Share this article

Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has always been the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. As Davies recalls in his journal, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I shut the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “soulless”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We hardly glanced at one another, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|